
The cast of IF THESE WALLS COULD TALK belt out the finale number, “Our Church is Here to Stay” at the Congregational Unitarian Church. The skit was written by Patrick Murfin and was part of the Centennial Celebration of the church building. From left to right are Ron Relic (Jack), Sue Kazlusky (Jill), George “Kaz” Kazlusky (Walls), Tom Steffens (seated at the piano), Annette Jasiota (Organ), Allison Neff (Chalice), and saxophonist Jim Hecht.
“IF THESE WALLS COULD TALK”
A Centennial Skit for the Congregational Unitarian Church
By Patrick Murfin
CHARACTERS IN ORDER OF APPEARANCE:
Jack—Male half of visiting couple
Jill—Female half of visiting couple
Walls—Off stage male voice of the church walls
Organ—Off stage female voice of the pipe organ
Chalice—Female voice of the Chalice
(Jack and Jill enter social room from front entrance talking as they cross slowly to the door of the Minister’s study)
Jill—I’m so excited we found this place! When we moved to Woodstock from Punxsutawney I didn’t think we would ever find another UU church.
Jack—(Looking toward the stained glass windows in the sanctuary with trepidation) I don’t know. This is different from the fellowships I’m used to. This seems so, well, so damned churchy!
Jill—Don’t be such a pin head, Jack. Give the place a chance. (They find a note pinned to the door of the study. She reads) “Had to take Jose and Maria to hospital to have another baby. Back by 3. Dan.”
Jack—Well then, lets get out of here, (Turns to walk out)
Jill—(Grabbing him by the elbow none too gently) Hold on there, Buster. (looking at watch) It’s just ten minutes. We can wait. (Crossing to center, looking out over the sanctuary) I know it’ not all glass and marble, austere and modern like our old church. It’s old. But it’s kind of beautiful. There’s something about it…
Jack—(Crossing to her interrupting) Don’t go all mistic-tristic on me, Jill. You know I a Humanist—neither god nor master for me!
Jill—Still, if these walls could talk---
Walls—(Off stage. Voice booming very like the voice of God from the burning bush) Who says they can’t?”
(Jack and Jill. Startled leap into each other’s arms)
Jack—Who said that!?
Walls—I did, the Walls of this church…
Jack—(Interrupting) That’s impossible!
Walls—Why? I’ve stood here for a hundred years now. Thousands of people have found shelter here. I’ve seen them baptized or dedicated, married them and buried them. Preachers have orated, ruminated, and occasionally sedated from that pulpit. There have been Christmas Eves with candles and canned goods for hungry folks. In my time there have been six major wars and a dozen little ones. A Great Depression and a bunch or ordinary hard times. I’ve seen Prohibition, drug experimentation and sexual liberation. I’ve seen motor cars and airplanes, radio and TV, the internet…
Organ—(Interupting from off stage) Isn’t that just like Walls. All war and rumor of war. Big things, dramatic things…
Jill—Who are you.
Organ—Oh, I’m just the pipe organ. But I’m the real spirit of this church. I am its art and peace and beauty. And I notice all of the little things that big, strong Walls over there is too busy holding up the roof to notice. Like little Bobby Mather spending his Sunday mornings pumping my bellows before the Elders got around to getting an electric motor to do the job. And the ladies of the Friendly Aid collecting their nickels to keep the coal fires lit during the Depression. The women were always busy. Some of them had time to start Woodstock’s first Girl Scout troop. the Memorial Hospital Auxiliary, the local Red Cross, Easter Seals of McHenry County. Helen Wright and others helped save the Opera House and make a center for the arts. And Walls didn’t notice all of the children in the Church School and their teachers either when they were upstairs crowded into the nooks off of the social room or when they moved to the basement. Walls remembers the big, important ministers, but does he remember Bob Vieregg ringing the bell every Sunday or George Mills keeping the Usher book all those years?
Walls—Your too hard on me, Organ. Just because I have to be strong doesn’t mean I don’t have a soft side. But I have to be careful at my age. Just thinking about all of those wonderful folks nearly makes me burst my water pipes. (Cue music for THIS OLD CHURCH)
This old church was filled with children,
This old church just brimmed with life,
This old church was home and comfort
Through the bitter storms of life.
This old church has rung with laughter,
This old church has known some doubt,
Still it stands brave in a new world
And it knows what it’s about.
(Walls and Organ together)
Gonna need this church tomorrow
As we need this church today,
Grab the tools and fix the shingles,
Get the mop and wash the floor,
Put oil on the old hinges,
Add a Chalice window pane,
Gonna need this church tomorrow,
We gotta do all the work of saints.
(Organ)
This old church has deep foundations,
Though the walls are gettin’ old,
This old church can fight for justice,
This old church is brave an’ bold.
This old church welcomes the homeless,
The outcasts, and Gays that they defame,
This old church can speak in Spanish
And every body learns your name.
(Walls and Organ)
Gonna need this church tomorrow
As we need this church today,
Grab the tools and fix the shingles,
Get the mop and wash the floor,
Put oil on the old hinges,
Add a Chalice window pane,
Gonna need this church tomorrow,
We gotta do all the work of saints.
This old church has heard some prayer,
This old church has heard some song,
This old church has stood for freedom,
This old church knows right from wrong.
This old church had many preachers,
Some were great and some were not,
This old church has filled with people
Many gone but not forgot!
Gonna need this church tomorrow
As we need this church today,
Grab the tools and fix the shingles,
Get the mop and wash the floor,
Put oil on the old hinges,
Add a Chalice window pane,
Gonna need this church tomorrow,
We gotta do all the work of saints.
(Jack and Jill applaud)
Jack—That’s very nice and all, but I want a UU Church. This place looks so Christian.
Walls—Part of us will always be. My father wasn’t made of brick. He was wooden clapboard, put up by the old Congregationalists in 1866. When I came along in 1906, folks put in these nice windows. I still think they are beautiful. But my doors were nearly closed in the Depression when no one had any money. My people decided to join with the Universalists, partly to get some money from a bequest. They called Rev. Merton Aldridge, a wonderful, kind Universalist minister. He never got the money but he saved the church. When he died in 1949, his wife Irma stayed for many years and helped hold the folks together. She even lived to see the congregation finally get that Universalist $5000 in 1963. The Unitarians joined the Universalists nationally in 1960 and there were so many great UU ministers here.
Organ—Weston Stevens built the membership up, founded the Woodstock Ministerial Association, and traveled all over the world in the summer time, brining back stories for the congregation. One time in Moscow he watched Nikita Kruschev debate Vice President Nixon at a kitchen exhibition. Jack Dunn and half of the UU clergy in the country responded to the call to march in Selma after Rev. James Reeb was killed in 1964. Barbara Merritt was called as our first woman minister and built the church up again from a low point. And she gave wonderful sermons about poets and the like. Stephen Washburn and Dianne Arakawa shared the pulpit and their gifts. The church changed its name to the Congregational Unitarian Church during that time. Then came Dan Larson, who has been here longer than anyone. He rolled up his sleeves and went right to work fixing up the tired old sanctuary and speaking up for justice all of the time. Through it all, the congregation was part of both the Congregationalist United Church of Christ and the UUA. But over time, most folks in the pews identified themselves as UUs. They finally decided it was time to drop the old and honored affiliation.
Chalice—(Enter from the door by the pulpit. Costume: Maybe something long, flowing and graceful She carries a flaming chalice in both hands and seems to float to center stag .Cue music for IT HAD TO BE UU)
It had to be UU, It had to be UU,
We talked it all out, hadn’t a doubt that’s what we knew,
Could make us be true, could be what we do,
Making us glad, not a bit sad being UU.
The past that we’ve had, made us feel glad,
The old rugged cross wasn’t a loss,
We treasure it too,
But nothing else gave us a thrill, freedom’s fair flame, we love you still,
It had to be UU, wonderful UU,
It had to be you!
(Instrumental break
The past that we’ve had, made us feel glad,
The old rugged cross wasn’t a loss,
We treasure it too,
But nothing else gave us a thrill, freedom’s fair flame, we love you still,
It had to be UU, wonderful UU,
It had to be you!
But nothing else gave us a thrill, Freedom’s fair flame, we love you stil,
It had to be UU, wonderful UU,
It had to be you!
(Crosses to small table by pulpit and puts the Chalice down. She fold her hands in front of her and stands silently by)
Jill—Wow! I guess this place is a real UU Church.
Jack—That’s great, but I need a church that walks the walk. It has to be more than Sunday mornings.
Walls—Well, this is the place, brother. Folks here aren’t shy about standing up. Back when the PADS homeless shelter was starting up they wanted to use the church. But the city of Woodstock said they needed a Hotel license and would shut ‘em down it they put up the homeless. Our church people “Do what you gotta do, we are opening anyway.” And the city backed down. PADS has been here ever since. And there is the Direct Assistance Program for the poor and the Minister’s Discresionary Fund, too. The folks here have marched and spoken for peace. They welcomed Gays and lesbians and stood up for same gender marriage. They work for tolerance, support the Latino community, and founded Diversity Day. They work tirelessly on the environment. Why almost every day and night someone is doing something here to make the community and the world better in my rooms.
Jill—Does that leave any time for me? I need my spiritual batteries charged.
Organ—Don’t we all. It like the big booming bell up in Wall’s tower. When it rings the whole town can hear. But at the beginning of services here, they tinkle some little chimes. (Chimes tinkle off stage) That’s the call to refresh the soul. They do it with music of all kinds and types, not just from my old pipes but from the choir, for musical shows like Paradise People and Dille’s Follies, from concerts of all types. And there is quite time for yoga and Buddhist meditation. There are study groups. And Dan always has time to listen when you are in pain. It’s like a family here with people helping each other grow and evolve.
Jill—It sounds good to me. What do you think, Jack?
Jack—I think we found just what we were looking for. This is our church now. (Cue music for OUR CHURCH IS HERE TO STAY)
It’s very clear,
Our church is here to stay.
Not for a year.
But ever and a day.
The cable TV and the internet,
The soaring jet planes that we know,
May just be passing fancies
And in time may go!
(Entire cast joins Jack on stage center)
But we are clear,
Our Church is here to stay,
Together we’ll
Re-build a brand new day.
In time the nation may crumble
And icons may tumble,
They’re only made of clay,
But our church is here to stay!
(Reprise from top with Congregation—lyrics printed in Order of Service)
It’s very clear,
Our church is here to stay.
Not for a year.
But ever and a day.
The cable TV and the internet,
The soaring jet planes that we know,
May be passing fancies
And in time may go!
But we are clear,
Our Church is here to stay,
Together we’ll
Re-build a brand new day.
In time the nation may crumble
And icons may tumble,
They’re only made of clay,
But our church is here to stay!
finis