(Note the following was first posted to the Unitarian Universalist history chat in response to a question about what the effect of Garrison Keillor’s swipes at Unitarianism might have.)

I know some folks get very upset with Garrison Keillor's occasional jokes about Unitarians.  They think he is mocking us (which of course he is) and misrepresents us.  These folks need to 1) grow a thicker hide and 2) lighten up. 

I find Keillor's Unitarian jokes generally quite funny because they do pluck certain resonating strings--we can be pretentious, apt to flirt with faddish goofiness from time to time, and are often more than a bit theologically vague.  We say these things among ourselves all the time (I've participated in a lot of e-lists and chat rooms over the years) so why shouldn't an outsider notice them?  And in his case, I get the feeling that the humor is rooted in some genuine affection for our particularly odd lot.

Certainly a story in which Unitarians are Raptured while the President (self anointed instrument of God), the fundamentalists and the hierarchy of the Catholic Church are left behind, more than hints that our broadmindedness, however eccentric, is preferable to more dogmatic religious forms.  And I think that reflects well of us.

So what if Keillor can't get the name of the UUA straight.  He's he doesn't need to.  A lot of folks who hear these jokes are going to go looking for those Unitarians and one way or another they are going to find us.

A similar controversy erupted last year over the SAN FRANSICO CHRONICLE  columnist who invented the "Unitarian Jihad."  In days it swept the Internet.  Tens of thousands of folks went to "Unitarian Jihad" name generators (I'm Brother Broadsword of Enlightenment, thank you very much.)  Some of our people huffed and puffed about the whole thing, fretted that folks would actually believe that Unitarians were going to take up arms in defense of moderation or that we would be confused somehow with Osama Bin Ladin.  Nonsense.  What did happen is a hell of a lot of new folks, including many of the young folks who we always complain are staying away from us or deserting us, investigated Unitarianism and liked what they found.  "Unitarian Jihad” web sites (here is just one by way of example—The International Unoffical Unitarian Jihad) and chat rooms still percolate along and a lot of new people are now sitting in real UU Church pews on Sunday mornings.  A pretty good deal, I would say,

I will not go so far as to endorse the wisdom of the great Universalist, Phineas T. Barnum who is reported to have said "There is no such thing as bad publicity."  There certainly can be as when a suburban Chicago UU Sunday School teacher murdered her children a few years ago.  Or when a respected lay leader of another congregation was arrested in the Church office, an escaped prisoner on the lam for thirty years for a Massachusetts murder.  Now that's bad publicity.

To listen to the “Radio Mystery Theater” segment of THE PRAIRIE HOME COMPANION originally broad cast on Saturday, May 1, 2004 and repeated last Sunday, that caused the current controversy, click here:

  http://prairiehome.publicradio.org/programs/2004/05/01/scripts/mystery.shtml

Or read the script below:

(CHORDS)

TR: RADIO MYSTERY THEATER. (FOOTSTEPS. DISTANT WOOFS. OWL)

SS (ADENOIDAL CHILD): Mister?

GK: Who are you?

SS (ADENOIDAL CHILD): Melissa.

GK: Where's your family?

SS: I don't know. They just went away and left me behind.

GK: Left behind?

SS: Uh huh.

GK: Any idea where they went?

SS: No.

GK: They didn't say anything?

SS No.

GK: Suddenly they were just gone?

SS: Yes.

GK: Is your family Baptist?

SS: Yes.

GK: Are you thinking the same thing I'm thinking?

SS: (WEEPILY) Yes.

GK: You're thinking maybe they were raptured.

SS: (WHISPER) Yes.

GK: I guess we could look around and see if there are other saved people here-----

SS: Okay.

GK: Do you see people carrying a black leather-bound King James Bible with a concordance and a little yellow ribbon to mark where you are in your daily Scripture reading? Do you see any WWJD bumper stickers?

SS: No.

GK: How about people with their eyes closed and their hands in the air? See any of those?

SS: No.

GK: How about people with little crosses on chains around their necks?

SS: Just Catholics.

GK: Oh. Well, let's go straight to the top. Just a sec. (DIALING BEEPS. PHONE RING AT OTHER END. SECOND RING. THIRD RING. FOURTH RING. PICK UP)

TR (BUSH, ON PHONE): Hello----

GK: Mr. President?

TR (BUSH, ON PHONE): Yep. George W. Bush, Speakin. How you all doin tonight?

GK: Calling from Nashville, Mr. President. Has the Rapture taken place yet?

TR (BUSH, ON PHONE): Well, according to the intelligence that's been provided to me, there is no sign of any rapture-related activity though of course we are keeping a close eye on prophecies as they are being fulfilled and as the signs of the Last Days accumulate and----

GK: Okay, thank you, Mr. President. Let's try Billy Graham, see if he's there. (DIAL BEEPS, RING) (PICK UP)

TR (BILLY GRAHAM, ON PHONE): A very blessed good evening to you---

GK: Reverend Graham, this is you, right?

TR (BILLY GRAHAM, ON PHONE): Yes. Praise the Lord.

GK: Good. Just checking.

TR (BILLY GRAHAM): We read in the book of Revelation, chapter 10, and verse 14-----

GK: Okay. Thank you very much. Just checking. Let's call the Vatican. (PHONE DIAL BEEPS, RING, PICKUP)

TR (ON PHONE): ITALIAN

GK: Your Holiness?

TR (ON PHONE): ITALIAN FOR "YES, WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?"

GK: Has the Rapture taken place?

TR (ON PHONE): ITALIAN FOR "WHAT?"

GK: The Rapture.

TR (ON PHONE): ITALIAN IN RAP RHYTHM TO SFX BASS, PERC

GK: No, no----- not rap----- the Rapture!

TR (ON PHONE): ITALIAN FOR "SORRY, I DON'T KNOW THE ANSWER" (CLICK)

GK: Let me make another call. (DIAL BEEPS, PHONE RING, TWICE, THREE, FOUR. THEN CLICK. THEN---

SS (MIDWESTERN, RECORDING): Thank you for calling the Unitarian-Universalist Church in America. Nobody is here to take your call so please leave a message and we will return your call as soon as possible. If you're signing up for the committee on housing and urban ministry, press ----- (TRUMPET, DISTANT, OVER PHONE) Oh my gosh. All my clothes just fell off and I'm going up into the air------ (DIAL TONE)

GK: The Unitarians. Gone?

SS (GIRL): Oh, I see my folks---- there they are! Hi mom!

GK: Let me turn on the radio----

FN (RADIO ANNC): Meanwhile, in Boston, hundreds of men and women who were protesting the war in Iraq suddenly disappeared, according to eyewitnesses, leaving their clothing lying in the street, all of which was made from natural materials by native people and had political slogans written on it, as well as Native American jewelry ---- (RADIO DIAL)

GK: Let's see what Rush has to say……..

TR (RUSH): FRENCH

GK: Rush is speaking in tongues and the Unitarians have been raptured. Why? They don't want salvation, they want closure. If a Unitarian ascends to heaven and no one is around to see it, did it actually happen? Maybe we'll find out next time on-----

(CHORDS)

TR: RADIO MYSTERY THEATER. (FOOTSTEPS. DISTANT WOOFS. OWL)

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